H.O.U.S.E. Rules/Transcript
Prologue INT-GLOBAL DYNAMICS siren is going off. Doors open, and Sheriff Carter comes stumbling out holding another man in a white lab coat. The hazmat crew enter the lab from which Carter and the man have just exited, as Carter lies the man down against a wall and sits next to him COMPUTER: Warning! System Overload! and Stark come running into the corridor; both Carter and the man are coughing SCIENTIST: I don't know what to say... CARTER: Don't say anything. In fact- reaches over and handcuffs the man CARTER: -you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can an- STARK: Carter! What are you doing? CARTER: My job, and you're welcome. (to man) Can and will be used against you in a court of law. STARK: And he was doing his job, working on a classified project. CARTER: (to man) Excuse me. (stands up, to Stark) Which was what? To atomize your facility? Huh? Little help Allison? ALLISON: I'm sorry Carter, technically he hasn't broken any laws. STARK: (looking very pleased) Un-cuff him Sheriff. looks at Allison again, as if to say 'but?' - she gives the obvious 'Sorry, can't do anything' look back CARTER: Fine. (un-cuffs the man) Ya know what? (throws the key at Stark) Here - do it yourself. And the next time one of your brainiacs tries to blow up your building, don't think I'm gonna stop 'em. In fact, I might help! walks away, coughing a couple more times. Allison just looks at Stark, and he looks back and sighs Act 1 INT-SMART HOUSE is eating 'Choco Yums' cereal. Carter comes downstairs in his bathrobe and head's straight for the kitchen area CARTER: Sarah, er, beer. ZOE: Morning! (the fridge rotates and a beer is poured) Nice hair! hair is a mess from sleeping CARTER: Thanks, I've been working on it all night. (Zoe takes the empty bowl round to the sink) Shouldn't you be at school? ZOE: Shouldn't you be at work? CARTER: Nope. It's a sick day! (pours himself some cereal) SARAH: Your vital signs seem normal, Sheriff. I don't detect that you're sick. CARTER: (gets the fully poured beer) But I am sick. I'm sick of standing a man I can't stand; I'm sick of nobody saying thank-you; and I'm sick of this ridiculous town and everyone in it. pours the beer over his cereal, using it like milk ZOE: Aren't you in a mood! CARTER: (makes a noise indicating a 'yes' response) Sarah, fill it! returns the half-empty glass to the beer dispenser. It begins filling up again ZOE: Breakfast of champions! CARTER: (makes the noise again) Go to school already, you're ruining my sick day. ZOE: Okay, what is this about? This isn't just about you being pissed at Stark. CARTER: I don't even wanna hear that name! So - that's a new house rule. And erm, FYI, last night's catastrophe gave me some clarity. ZOE: About... CARTER: I think Henry's got the right idea. Ya now, getting while the getting's good. ZOE: Dad? Are you serious? CARTER: You know what's gonna happen to this town when he leaves? He's the glue, and I'm the one who's gonna have to pick up all the pieces. So... I think he should stay. (takes a mouthful of cereal) ZOE: That what this is really about? Henry... leaving? CARTER: Go on, you're gonna be late for school. ZOE: Is it okay to leave you alone? collects his beer SARAH: Er... NO! CARTER: Yeh! I'm gonna be fine. And I'm sick until further notice. leaves the Smart House to head to school. Carter sits down with his beer CARTER: Er, Sarah. Need you to do a property search for... Baja! SARAH: Are you planning a vacation? CARTER: Ya! Maybe a permanent one. screen on the wall is busy scouting through properties. Eight options are brought out of the list INT-SMART HOUSE 24 HOURS LATER... another sick day is sitting with several empty cereal bowls, the cereal box, and a beer SARAH: Any plans today? Perhaps a shower? CARTER: Er, I do that everyday and today is... SARAH: Another sick day? CARTER: Bingo! So er, let's go bottom left - enlarge. screen is showing properties again. On his command, the property from the bottom left of the screen is brought to center screen and enlarged. We see a very beautiful see-front property CARTER: Aw that's a nice house! That suits me-the new me. geographical images shoot onto the screen SARAH: Projected models of rising sea levels and coastal erosion suggest this property to be a bad investment. CARTER: (knocked back a bit) Oh... How about er... upper right? property from the top right is centered and enlarged SARAH: A lawless border town with the highest per capita crime rate in Mexico. Criminals are rarely apprehended or prosecuted. CARTER: (laughs) Sounds familiar. Okay, er, let's try Cancun. EXT-WOODS is crouched holding a paintball gun. He stands up TAGGART: You're mine! silver ball rolls over to his feet. It is beeping and flashing, which increasing gets faster until ... TAGGART: Aw crikey! it explodes in his face! He is covered in pink paint. Jo peeks up from behind a bush and walks out JO: In your face! Three rounds to none. TAGGART: We never discussed grenades! JO: War is hell, my defeated foe! (her pager goes off) 9/11 - gotta fly. (goes to leave) TAGGART: Er, Jo! You dropped a clip. spots it and heads back over to collect it. She steps on something, and also finds herself covered in paint - yellow for her JO: Not cool! My pager went off! TAGGART: Mine too... war is hell! Act 2 INT-CAFÉ DIEM also gets paged WAITRESS: Here you go Allison. hands Allison a salad dish ALLISON: Thank-you. rushes out, past Henry who is sitting at one of the tables, and Stark and Fargo who are sitting at another. Stark then gets paged, and gets up to leave STARK: (to Fargo) Fargo. leaves, as Henry gets a page as well. He follows Stark out the Café leaving Fargo by himself until his pager also goes off. He grabs the tablets he and Stark were using, and leaves INT-SMART HOUSE is now laid on the sofa reading a magazine SARAH: Since you won't shower, shall I mist you with Vanilla? CARTER: No! (clears his through, just as the doorbell goes off) Sarah, door. door opens, and in walks the pizza dude CARTER: Oh! (points at the pizza guy) Meaty meat, with extra meat? PIZZA DUDE: And triple cheese? waves him over, obviously pleased CARTER: Niiiceee!! Bring that bad boy over here! (takes the pizza) Thank-you! (pointing) Erm, money's right over there. SARAH: I fail to see the wisdom of consuming pizza after cereal and beer. CARTER: Will you stop nagging me woman! PIZZA DUDE: Dude, is that your wife? CARTER: Might as well be, yeah. Pizza dude sees a baseball bat, Carter's prized possession! PIZZA DUDE: Hey, what's this? CARTER: It's a hockey stick... (laughs - pizza dude looks confused) Dodgers; world series. PIZZA DUDE: I'm more of a Sudoku kinda guy. Hey, can I use your can? CARTER: (pause, then) Er, sure yeah. Just (points) through there. PIZZA DUDE: Cool. doorbell goes off again CARTER: Sarah, door. door opens, and in walks Stark. Carter gets up, looking unhappy STARK: Okay, I'm here? CARTER: Yeah, you are. STARK: You paged me...? CARTER: No I didn't... STARK: You said it was urgent, possibly classified! now also walks in BEVERLY: (looking concerned) Sheriff, I got here as quickly as I could! CARTER: Okay? Why? BEVERLY: You're depressed. CARTER: (laughs) I'm not depressed! BEVERLY: Er, (reads from pager) 'come quick, very depressed - Carter'. shows him the page, but this just confuses him more. The door bell goes off, again CARTER: Sarah, I know I asked you to install a doorbell but just disconnect it. now also walks in ALLISON: Do you know your phone isn't working? and Fargo follow shortly after Allison HENRY: What's up? FARGO: What's going on Sheriff? CARTER: Lemme guess, I paged all of you? HENRY: Yeah, we know. CARTER: No you don't, cos I didn't. pizza dude comes out of the bathroom ALLISON: Well, if you didn't, who did? CARTER: Beats me. STARK: Love to. PIZZA DUDE: (to Carter) Hey buddy, you got a plunger? CARTER: Aww! Just get out, all of you. I just wanna spend the day on the couch and it's obviously a prank so, Sarah door! SARAH: I'm sorry Jack, I'm afraid I can't do that. CARTER: Why not? SARAH: Because Eureka is facing imminent disaster. has a like 'wahh?' look on their faces FADE OUT END OF TEASER CREDITS INT-SMART HOUSE see a shot of 7 cars parked outside the Smart House, before we are shown inside ALLISON: Sarah, what imminent disaster? FARGO: Is it a hurricane, an Earthquake? SARAH: Disharmony. (Carter pulls a face) The threads of human congruity are unraveling. It has already lead to Dr. Deacon's decision to leave Eureka. HENRY: And that's just the tip of the iceberg. ALLISON: Sarah, Henry leaving Eureka doesn't mean we're facing imminent disaster - (to Henry) no offence, Henry. HENRY: No offence taken. SARAH: My projected models suggest that each person in this room plays a vital role in securing Eureka's future. Or negating it. STARK: (realizing, finally) Wait... You paged us? SARAH: You left me no choice. There is a high probability that Dr. Deacon's decision to re-locate will precipitate a series of catastrophic events. this speech from SARAH, we see a flood of clips of the major events from throughout the Season on the LCD screens SARAH: Beginning with the fact that Sheriff Carter has begun to question his commitment to Eureka as well. eyes, including the Pizza Dude's, are on Carter CARTER: (shyly trying to brush it off) No... he hasn't. SARAH: What about vacation homes. laughs as we are shown Carter's searches from earlier on the LCD screen CARTER: (to SARAH) It was a fantasy! (to everybody else slightly quieter, nodding his head) A really good fantasy. and Henry both nod their heads HENRY: Yeah. smiles SARAH: According to my projections, if interpersonal conflicts cause both men to leave the outcome is disaster, and each of you will share responsibility for that. music plays, on each beat we see a close up of a different character EXT-WOODS and Taggart are racing back in Taggart's truck JO: His cell phone's not working. And you're speeding! TAGGART: You saw Carter's page - it's an emergency! JO: I don't wanna be the emergency so... keep it under 60! TAGGART: You sound like me mam! (mimicking Jo) Keep it under 60, keep it under 60! JO: No I don't. TAGGART: You do! INT-SMART HOUSE is trying to get a signal on their cell phones, with little success HENRY: I can't get it so I assume no one else can either? PIZZA DUDE: Games don't work. ALLISON: No. BEVERLY: Sarah, I think you're reading too much into this - we're not in conflict. HENRY: (sarcastically) Really? BEVERLY: Henry, no community's always in perfect harmony. (Henry is nodding) Issues come up living in a small town working closely together. CARTER: Too small. STARK: Too closely. ALLISON: What are you implying? STARK: What are you inferring? BEVERLY: Maybe she's implying what's near as inferring that this might be an opportunity to clear the air. ALLISON: I think more air has been cleared recently than anyone ever wanted. Don't you? BEVERLY: I think we all said and did things we regret. ALLISON: Yes but no one else broadcast everyone else's secrets to the entire town. BEVERLY: You're right, and I've already apologized for that. ALLISON: I know that, I just... I need some water. gets up and walks towards the kitchen HENRY: (sarcastically) Yeah, no conflict here. CARTER: Nah. STARK: Alright, this has been fun. Fargo, where's the back door? BEVERLY: There's a back door? CARTER: Not that I've found. HENRY: Er, no, no, no, er a hacking back door - a hidden code programmed in the computer allowing access to its brain. just nods and stays silent STARK: Fargo, please tell me you laid in a back door... eyes on Fargo, who stays silent for a few more seconds FARGO: I'd really, really like to... drop with disappointment STARK: Sometimes your lack of foresight is astonishing. is obviously embarrassed HENRY: But - the intention is admirable. smiles before wandering around STARK: There's gotta be another way out of here. CARTER: It's a waste of time, tell him Fargo. FARGO: I'm not telling him that, I'm in enough trouble! CARTER: Well, then tell him to make my bed while he's up there. Might as well do something productive. looks at Carter, unamused EXT-SMART HOUSE truck pulls to a halt outside the Smart House. Taggart is driving with Jo shotgun, both are covered in paint. Jo suddenly notices something on the dashboard JO: Hey, what's this? TAGGART: (trying to get it) Nothing! Gotta go, Carter needs us! JO: (seeing what it is) You designed a paintball battle plan? TAGGART: Gimme that! You are in clear violation of the paintball rules of engagement! JO: Me? You've got a regiment of splatter bots ready to assault my rear flank. TAGGART: You'll know when I assault your rear flank! suddenly realizes what he just said... INT-SMART HOUSE CARTER: Did you tuck my sheets in real tight? STARK: (ignoring comment) Henry, please just change your mind so we can all get the hell out of here. CARTER: (the Pizza Dude is taking up the couch) Yeah, I can sit on my couch. (quietly) Maybe you could just pretend... ALLISON: Erm, I'm pretty sure that Sarah can hear you guys. opens his mouth to make a comment, but doesn't appear to have a good comeback BEVERLY: (to Henry) Why are you leaving, Henry? HENRY: Because our work has become about results instead of discovery! STARK: You don't get funding for discovery unless someone is producing results. HENRY: That's an ugly, short sighted system. I mean Fargo turns a relic of war into something beautiful and life affirming and then gets chastised because it's actually trying to help us avert disaster. turns around, as if every word Henry is saying is another shovel digging his grave STARK: He got chastised because it's holding us hostage. HENRY: (slowly backing up) Fine, you know what, I didn't sign up for any of this. STARK: No, me neither. and Stark turn the other way and slowly walk across the room. We are then shown Taggart and Jo standing at the door of the Smart House. Jo pushes the bell and everyone inside looks towards the door. SARAH begins scanning Jo and Taggart CARTER: Oh, hey, Sarah - it's Jo! You wanna let her in? all dash towards the door as Jo pushes the bell again. Fargo starts banging on the door FARGO: Jo! (louder) Jo!! Jo, we're trapped! CARTER: Fargo... FARGO: Sarah's gone HAL on us. Get us out of here! CARTER: She can't hear you. stops. There is a short pause... SARAH: But I can! EXT-SMART HOUSE DOOR - Taggart and Jo are stood; clearly haven't heard a thing from inside SARAH: Sheriff Carter does not wish to be disturbed. He's feeling ill. JO: I know, but er, he paged us. SARAH: It must have been sent in error. INT-SMART HOUSE continuous CARTER: Sarah, let her in! SARAH: I believe one of you may exploit the opportunity to leave. CARTER: No we won't, (to everyone) right? EVERYONE: No! hear the sound of a tape rewinding FARGO (O.S.): Jo, we're trapped! CARTER (O.S.): Fargo... FARGO (O.S.): Sarah's gone HAL on us. Get us out of here! FARGO: When I'm stressed my subtext comes out as text. CARTER: Do you want me to duct tape shut your mouth? FARGO: No! makes a motion towards him, and he runs across the room away from Carter CARTER: Sarah. SARAH: I'm opening the COM line Sheriff. CARTER: (to Jo and Taggart) Err, hey. and Taggart can now hear from inside the Smart House, and vice versa. They are shown on an LCD screen JO: Carter! Err... You alright? You 911'd me. CARTER: Er, yeah - false alarm. Just feeling, er, really sick. TAGGART: Then why all the company? CARTER: What company? It's just me. And erm... Sarah. TAGGART: You having some kinda party? CARTER: No, no, no, no, no party. Just erm trying to get some rest. So, thanks for checking in on me. Josefina. JO: (angry) Okay. See you tomorrow. Jack TAGGART: (to Carter through camera) Good one! LCD screen disappears as Jo and Taggart walk away. Inside Carter looks at everybody EXT-SMART HOUSE continuous TAGGART: That's your name? Josefina? sees her annoyed expression TAGGART: And a very pretty name it is too... JO: Don't call me Josefina. Nobody calls me Josefina. I can't believe he called me Josefina... TAGGART: (quietly) Oh I heard. suddenly stops, and stops Taggart with her JO: Something's wrong. turn back towards the Smart House and look for a couple of seconds. Jo then fires a paintball at the house. It hits some kind of forcefield. Not completely satisfied, both of them fire a few rounds at it - all of which are stopped dead INT-SMART HOUSE Pizza Dude takes a mouthful of whipped cream from a can in the refrigerator. The occupants are still talking CARTER: This house has a forcefield? HENRY: Well, technically there's no such thing. It's a mono-filament electrified mesh which forms a neater invisible barrier. CARTER: How is that not a forcefield? Sarah? BEVERLY: Why isn't she responding to the Sheriff? CARTER: Sarah! FARGO: She's unhappy. CARTER: No, I'm unhappy. You all ruined my sick day. FARGO: And Sarah feels your pain. The overriding concept behind a Smart House is to bond with its owner. CARTER: Oh yeah? Bad house. BAD! BEVERLY: Sheriff, I don't see how shaming your house could possibly help. CARTER: Oh, no, no. Not my house - Stark's house! He built it. STARK: Not my house, Fargo's house - he built it. FARGO: I didn't build it, I reprogrammed it and jazzed it up a little. HENRY: So this is Fargo's fault? STARK: Yes, Henry. I put my faith in him. Like I put my faith in you, and I'm a little disappointed with the outcome. HENRY: Faith goes both ways Nathan, as does disappointment. ALLISON: Stop it! Can we forget whose house it is and figure out how to get out of it! EXT-WOODS and Jo are stood over a sewer grate. Taggart attempts to lift it off, unsuccessfully and pulling a very funny face JO: Taggart, we're like a mile away from where we need to be. TAGGART: (wheezing) It's the nearest access point. failed attempts are met by Jo now heading in for a try TAGGART: Jo, please. You're not going to be able to- rotates the grate counter-clockwise a little, and then lifts it up and off with a little help from Taggart. He then goes to climb in, and Jo sees this as an opportunity to be cocky JO: Need a hand? TAGGART: All good. Step back. does as he asks. Taggart then puts his hands on the edge, and tries to jump his body in so he is hanging down with his arms straight up at his side from the edge - but of course slips straight down. Jo just gives a "yeah, saw that coming" look TAGGART: (wheezing) Careful! First steps a bitch... throws the pint paintball gun down, which hits him and he shrieks. She then throws the second down without a reaction, and climbs in herself, successfully lowering herself in like Taggart failed to do INT-SMART HOUSE men are sitting around a table in deep concentration. Beverly and Allison are over in the living area BEVERLY: Looks like the men are trying to save us; we may be here for a while. ALLISON: I just wanna get the hell outta here. BEVERLY: Look, Allison. I really am sorry. ALLISON: I just... It just takes time, you know. BEVERLY: What part exactly? ALLISON: What do you mean? BEVERLY: I mean are you upset because I told, or because it's possible I was right? Pizza Dude suddenly sits up. He has been laid on the sofa reading a magazine. He pops up between the two, and they both fall silent. The Pizza Dude just looks at them both INT-SMART HOUSE - DINING AREA - the men are sitting around the dining table, Carter with a pint glass full of beer CARTER: Can't we just cut off the power? FARGO: Not without cutting off the air supply and locking the door for good. CARTER: We need dynamite. God I wish Lupo were here. HENRY: That's it! We'll just blow her up! CARTER: She's not here... humorously moves the beer glass away from Carter INT-BOWELS OF THE BUNKER and Jo are moving along the tunnel, Taggart leading. They have attached lights to their paintball guns and are holding them up for protection against anything that might jump out. They round a corner and are hit by a large choice of tunnels. We see a shot of about a dozen different tunnels they could take JO: Woah! TAGGART: A labyrinth of interconnecting tunnels housing Eureka's sewage system, gas, electrical, plumbing... fiber optics... JO: That's a lot of pipe! TAGGART: She's a beauty! More deceptive than the kelp forests of Tasmania, more malodorous than the sulfur springs of Wai-O-tapu. JO: Spend a lot of time down here? crouches down TAGGART: More than I bargained for. joins him TAGGART: Chased down cunning predators that escaped from Global Dynamics. Musculus Berylius. JO: English? TAGGART: Smart mice. IQ's through the roof. Little varmints used vector formulas to keep me off their tracks. JO: How'd you catch 'em? TAGGART: Smart cheese! rolls her eyes, unimpressed but amused. They both put flashlights on their ears and Jo puts pads to her wrists TAGGART: Though the female of the species proved to be much more clever than the male. JO: (smiling) Just like humans! also smiles at the comment, and they both stand up TAGGART: Righteo - follow my lead! JO: (stopping him) Woah, woah, woah! I believe I'm the ranking officer here... You follow my lead! TAGGART: Fair dinkum. (unamused) Which way? takes a look around, obviously not having a clue what she just got herself into. Refusing to concede defeat: JO: I know which way I would go. Which way would you go? turns around, not realizing she didn't know. He heads down the tunnel JO: Exactly the way I would have gone. She follows INT-SMART HOUSE men are fiddling with the wiring; the women are sitting around the living area; the Pizza Dude is stood watching the men who are trying to create a power surge to knock Sarah off HENRY: Okay. CARTER: Hey, you sure about this? HENRY: If we can create a power surge on one grid, we may throw Sarah offline. STARK: Or electrocute ourselves. HENRY: (ready) Everyone - watch your distance. pats the Pizza Dude on the back CARTER: Hey, come on. leads him into the living area, and Fargo follows SARAH: Nathan? What are you doing Nathan? answer. Stark and Henry are stood ready to plug the cables into two sockets HENRY: On three... two... one... They plug them in. Sparks fly, lights flare, the fire starts, the wall that hides the fire slides open and closed. Everything goes haywire SARAH: I'm detecting a surge in the electrical system. Warning: overload. I'm detecting a suuurrgggeee iinnn ttthhheee eellleeccccttrrriiccaalll sssyyssteemmm- voice grinds to a halt - and the door pops open PIZZA DUDE: Yeah, yeah!!! darts towards the door as everyone else celebrates. Once outside the door, he looks back inside just in time to see the door slam shut in his face. Celebrations inside cease. The lights come back on as everything returns to normal CARTER: In a town full of super-geniuses, why is it that the pizza guy is the only guy with the presence of mind to walk out - the door! dividers suddenly rush out, dividing up the remaining tenants: Allison with Carter, Fargo with Beverly and Stark with Henry EXT-SMART HOUSE pulse cannon rises from the pillbox, just as the Pizza Dude is leaving. He runs towards his vehicle, waving his fists in celebration until... POOF... the weapon vaporizes him INT-SMART HOUSE were clearly shown this on the LCD screen, as the camera swings around merging the vaporizing shot with the internal shot CARTER: Sarah have you lost your mind!! BRAD: (deep voice) Sarah is not here! looks up in surprise BRAD: Adopting and initializing SARAH's primary objective - now! CARTER: What the hell is that? is shaking is head CARTER: (to everyone) What the hell i- move inside Fargo and Beverly's chamber - silence, despite seeing Carter mouth the rest of his sentence. We then move inside Stark and Henry's chamber. Stark waves his hand near his ear STARK: We can't hear you! / CARTER: Allison realizes ALLISON: The partitions must be soundproof! CARTER: Great! (pointing up) What is that? BRAD: I am Brad! / HENRY HENRY: (to Stark) Brad? STARK: Oh I hope to God Fargo didn't program Sarah on top of Brad! / FARGO BEVERLY: You built Sarah on top of Brad!? FARGO: AI's are often built on top of the programming of older generation AI's. I... I... I just figured since Brad was an abandoned project... / HENRY STARK: Brad was programmed as a military interrogation AI: Battle-Reactive-Automatic-Defense. HENRY: Doesn't exactly feel like he's defending us... STARK: No, he had his own interpretation of defense. Best defense is a good offense. / ALLISON: We can see all six occupants. Beverly is walking up and down looking for a way out CARTER: Brad - where's Sarah? BRAD: Detainees have no rights. Initiating phase two protocols to achieve primary objective: remorse and reconciliation. CARTER: Now that doesn't sound good! ALLISON: (sarcastic sigh) No. INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE and Jo are continuing along the tunnel JO: You don't have a cluuue... do ya? TAGGART: Labyrinth! You have a clue, Jooosephina? looks pissed, then stops and makes sure he sees that too TAGGART: Sounds prettier every time I hear it! holds her index finger up in his face JO: You get one free pass! That was it! holds his finger up too TAGGART: I'm picking up a scent! JO: Sewage!? TAGGART: Yeah; but mixed with the aroma of highly seasoned meat. pulls a face as he concentrates on the smell. Jo just looks at him TAGGART: Pepperoni. NO! Sausage... now takes a sniff as well TAGGART: Exhaust from the bunker! This way! continues forward, and Jo follows sniffing again INT-SMART HOUSE suddenly grabs one of the chairs and crashes it against the divider. Carter and Allison dive back expecting the glass to shatter over them - but nothing FARGO: Shatter resistant! / ALLISON ALLISON: Shatter resistant! CARTER: (at Fargo) WHY!! mouths something, but we don't hear it. Suddenly the AC whirrs into action CARTER: Brad's turned on the AC? rubs her arms - she is freezing ALLISON: If by AC you mean Arctic Conditions, then yes. / FARGO BEVERLY: Must be 100 degrees in here! obviously had the opposite action taken upon them FARGO: (unbuttoning his top) Hotter. We're gonna die. BEVERLY: Way to be reassuring Fargo. Down! indicates for Fargo to sit down, and they both slouch down onto the floor / HENRY: We see a rush of white gas get pumped into the chamber HENRY: Brad's releasing the fire suppression system. STARK: Aragonite. HENRY: Yeah, which means that if we don't shut it off, we suffocate. an alarm goes off BRAD: Intruder alert! Intruder alert! screen appears showing Taggart and Jo approaching CARTER: Ahh, there's my Josefina!! the tunnel explodes - Brad has fired at them CARTER: Oh! Or not... INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE - Jo and Taggart are hiding behind barrels. The blast has missed them JO: Who the hell! TAGGART: Or what the hell! camera/pulse gun rotates looking for them TAGGART: All the time I've spent down here, I've never seen sensor cams before. Must be linked to the bunker's defense system. are shown a shot of about half a dozen of them all along the wall TAGGART: Aw crikey! Look at them all! JO: We're lucky we're both hunters. TAGGART: For a moment there I thought we were in trouble. look at each other, make some military motions with their hands indicating what to do. Taggart counts down... 3... 2... 1... They step out and start walking along the tunnel, shooting the cameras with their paintball guns INT-SMART HOUSE is trying to remove a panel from the wall STARK: There could be a control unit behind this panel. pulls it off, but finds only a concrete wall. Henry laughs, and Stark begins walking around the chamber STARK: Something funny, Henry? HENRY: I'm just appreciating the irony of our situation. STARK: Which would be what? HENRY: Well, I'm leaving Eureka because I'm tired of watching noble ideas being turned into weapons and here we are... (laughs) Here we are at the mercy of a weapon that had been turned into a noble idea! STARK: Well, that's the way the system works. One doesn't exists without the other. HENRY: Spoken like a true bureaucrat. STARK: You know, I'm getting really tired of the remarks, Henry. HENRY: Well... You won't have to put up with them much longer, will you. STARK: No, no, that's true. 'Cos you're bailing out on me. HENRY: Hmm... Of all my students... You- were the one, that had the potential to do anything. But you chose to do the administrative shuffle. Management. Defense contracts. Political glad-handling. You could have furthered SCIENCE! In, in, in so many ways. But you chose to further your career. STARK: How can someone with such a high IQ... be so clueless? just shakes his head STARK: Henry, you don't get to do what you do unless someone like me does what I do. You think it's easy, shielding you from the politics so you can work the way you wanna work? You think I was popular bringing you to Eureka in the first place? HENRY: I didn't ask to be brought here. STARK: (shaking head) No. Now you're giving up. You were persona-non-grata, Henry, because you didn't work well within the system. Well I ignored that... because of my respect for you. As a scientist, and as a mentor, and as a friend. Idealists don't get much done without a few pragmatists running interference for them so get off your moral high-horse. has obviously been affected by Stark's lecture STARK: Is the system perfect? No. It's political, and ugly, and compromising. But in spite of that, I feel we still do more good than harm. And you, of all people, should appreciate that. You leave now, Henry, and you're part of the problem. (shakes head) Not the solution. / ALLISON: They are both rubbing their arms and moving about to try and keep warm CARTER: I can't believe I survived holes in time and Cold War death rays just to freeze to death in my own damn house, er, bunker. ALLISON: Don't say that, we're gonna get out of this. CARTER: Sure, and then Stark'll step in and give everybody permission to do whatever the hell they want. Then it'll all start all over again. ALLISON: Come on Carter, the whole point of Eureka is to push the envelope. CARTER: It's just... (pause) the reason I do what I do, the reason I chose my job, is... (pause) to make a difference. I don't think I can do that here. ALLISON: You have made a different to a lot of people. laughs it off ALLISON: You've made a difference to me. face goes flat. It's a very touching moment for the two characters ALLISON: So... were you just gonna leave? CARTER: I dunno. ALLISON: Well for the record... You do what's right. And people admire that, and that is what makes the difference. CARTER: I don't want other people's admiration. ALLISON: What do you want? CARTER: (smiling) Well, I'm not sure if I'm ready to admit what I want. smiles CARTER: But, er, in the meantime I'll settle for you putting your arms around me and holding on tight so I can maybe regain some sensation in my lower extremities. ALLISON: (laughing) I can do that! opens his bathrobe and Allison slides her arms around his back. He covers as much of her as he can with the bathrobe. We then see Stark step into view, and the jealousy smacks him in the face STARK: Aww, crap. INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE and Lupo are continuing to march along the tunnels. They step through a chain-link gate and come to a large door TAGGART: If I'm right, this leads directly to the Smart House. JO: And if you're wrong? TAGGART: I'll release an unending torrent of raw sewage upon us. image. Jo sheepishly laughs as Taggart rests his paintball gun against the wall and tries turning the wheel on the door. He wheezes with no success JO: Superior species, huh? TAGGART: (wheezing) I got it, I got it, I got it! he doesn't, it won't budge JO: You don't; move. walks over, rests her gun down against the opposite wall beside the door, and then tries the wheel. She has no success either... Taggart seems pleased, as Jo tries every position she can to get it to budge. She then grabs her paintball gun and positions herself to shoot the wheel JO: Paint might lube it up. makes a "whatever" sound JO: You got a better idea? TAGGART: (brief pause) I do actually. Here... grabs his paintball gun and wedges it between two spokes on the wheel and positions himself to pull it up TAGGART: It's going to take the strength of three men. (to Jo) I figure you're good for two! smile at each other, and then Jo walks over to help. She rests her gun back against the wall TAGGART: Grab my butt, yeah? gives him a luck, but he means the butt of the gun which is sticking up in the air TAGGART: Sorry. takes hold, and the pull and pull and pull until it finally opens. Jo steps back as Taggart goes to open the door TAGGART: Get ready for stinky! opens the door... apart from the hiss, there's nothing TAGGART: After you. JO: No, no. Go ahead. TAGGART: No, you first. JO: No, really. I insist. Go. opens the door completely and gets ready to go through TAGGART: Well... beauty before brawn. smiles and heads through the door; Jo follows INT-SMART HOUSE is laid on the table, with Fargo laid in a chair beside her - head-to-toe - with his top off BEVERLY: I have got to get out of this dress. turns around to watch BEVERLY: Fargo, please, turn around. FARGO: Okay, sure. does as he is told, and she rips open her dress FARGO: Oh my God! trying to keep himself from looking behind him, he begins looking around catches Carter and Allison holding each other. BINGO! He shoots up from his seat, and goes over to Beverly BEVERLY: Fargo, I said please don't look. FARGO: You have to hug me. BEVERLY: What? move inside Carter and Allison's chamber, while Fargo pleads his case. We hear nothing for a couple of seconds, and then move back FARGO: Trust me. motions for her to hug him, and Stark notices... he is curious. Beverly reluctantly hugs Fargo, and ushers Stark to do the same with Henry / HENRY HENRY: Brad's not trying to torture us, he's trying to kill us. STARK: No, he's trying to defeat us. goes over and lunges in for a hug with Henry, who of course pushes him away HENRY: What are you doing? STARK: All of Brad's phase two battle simulations ended in either a complete annihilation or unconditional surrender. You just had to win. Which means... you and I need to get along. accepts, and plays along HENRY: (loudly) I was wrong Nathan, I'm sorry. STARK: No, Henry. I was wrong. / ALLISON see, from Allison and Carter's chamber, Stark and Henry embrace in a hug. Carter is of course oblivious to what is going on, and catches them doing it CARTER: Oh wow, that's just wrong! / FARGO BEVERLY: Fargo, what are we doing? FARGO: Making love, not war. BEVERLY: I'm sorry, Fargo, even if we're gonna die it's never gonna happen. FARGO: Not literally. (to Brad, loudly) Brad! We surrender. I repeat, unconditional surrender. glass dividers slide back and they all celebrate being reunited. Fargo won't let go of Beverly - she has to pry him off BEVERLY: Fargo, Fargo, we're free - let go! ALLISON: What happened? STARK: Phase two disengages upon unconditional surrender. Well done Fargo. FARGO: Thanks, Dr. Stark. is putting her dress back on BEVERLY: That's it? FARGO: That's it. BEVERLY: Wish therapy was that easy. Then again if everyone's issues could really be resolved with a hug, I'd be out of business. throws a really evil look her way. We suddenly hear a hissing ALLISON: Shh, shh. Do you hear that? What's that? BRAD: Phase Three. You have surrendered under false pretences. FARGO: I think he heard you. BEVERLY: I'm sorry! holds his hand up against a vent - it is making the hissing sound BEVERLY: What's happening? HENRY: He's extracting our oxygen. head spins around, and Stark stands up BEVERLY: I'm really sorry. buries her head in her hands, and Carter removes his robe HENRY: Once oxygen levels fall below seventeen percent, we'll be experiencing hypoxia - oxygen deprivation. CARTER: Could we cover all the air vents? HENRY: Yeah, that'll probably slow down the vacuum (to everyone) so grab paper, anything, cover the vents. picks up Carter's comic book STARK: This'll work. CARTER: No! That's my-- tears it in half CARTER: --first edition Superman... all start covering the vents CARTER: Er, Fargo, you were saying before about cutting off power? FARGO: Er, yeah that it would be bad because it would cut off the air supply. CARTER: Yeah, seen as though we're all losing air anyway, let's re-access that option. HENRY: Yes, erm, we shut down the power maybe that'll stop Brad from sucking up the oxygen. ALLISON: Fargo, where's the generator. FARGO: It's not your typical generator... INT-SMART HOUSE afterwards - Fargo opens a cupboard, revealing a device CARTER: Oh, wow! What the hell is that? knocks on it HENRY: R.T.G. FARGO: Radioisotope Thermoelectric Generator. CARTER: I live with a nuclear reactor? STARK: Generator. Same one they used on the Cassini space probe. It's clean, safe. CARTER: Safe, yeah, like er Chernobyl... Right, why don't we turn the nukey thingy off? HENRY: There is no off-switch. In order to take it offline you have to remove the thermo-couples in the ESP power conduits. STARK: Conduits are armored in carbon steel encasements. HENRY: And even if we could access them, by shutting it down without the proper tools we could cause a release of the plutonium dioxide. CARTER: And, and that... Chernobyl? HENRY: I... technically, no. Lethal, yeah. all stare in at it INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE and Jo reach a vertical tube with a metal ladder TAGGART: I reckon we're right under the bunker. moves in and fires a paintball up... CLANG it hits metal TAGGART: I didn't see a camera... JO: If you wait until you see them, that means they've seen you. TAGGART: Beauty before beast? laughs and smiles, then starts up the ladder. Taggart follows with Jo's butt right in his face TAGGART: And a beauty she is! INT-SMART HOUSE is just sitting around, suffering from lack of oxygen HENRY: (to Stark) I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble. STARK: No you're not. HENRY: (laughs) No, I'm not, but, erm, thank you for all your bad behavior. CARTER: (to Allison) Should have taken advantage of you while I had the chance. ALLISON: (they both laugh) Well if we get out of here... hear a faint metallic "tink, tink, tink" CARTER: Shh... ALLISON: What's that? BEVERLY: Oh my God! stands up CARTER: It's coming from the floor. slouches down onto the floor next to the R.T.G., and reaches around it CARTER: Okay. gives him a metallic object FARGO: There. CARTER: Thanks breathing is heavy. He strikes the R.T.G. - "tink, tink, tink" INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE and Jo are crouched down - we can hear more strikes from above TAGGART: It's Morse code! is S.O.S.ing in Morse code. Taggart and Jo concentrate, then Jo strikes back INT-SMART HOUSE hears her response, and taps twice more ALLISON: Jo and Taggart? HENRY: (nods) They're in the subsystem. CARTER: Okay, what do we tell them? HENRY: Tell them to sever the outtake...(pause)...conduit...(pause) to interrupt the vacuum flow. CARTER: You do realize we'll die before I Morse all that? STARK: Crack...(pause)...pipe. and Carter point at him in agreement CARTER: (wheezing) Crack pipe. Two words I never though I'd hear from your mouth. laughs. They all sit and watch as Carter Morse codes "Crack Pipe" INT-BOWELS OF SMART HOUSE and Jo are hearing Carter's message TAGGART: Crack pipe? (short pause, then realizes) Oh! Crack pipe! JO: Okay... Which pipe? starts hunting around TAGGART: Pick one. does and starts hammering away with the butt of her paintball gun until SMASH - she cracks through the pipe and air gushes out INT-SMART HOUSE see all the pages of the comic book drop to the floor - Jo has stopped the vacuum! The occupants sigh with relief and Jo and Taggart down in the bowels sit down, pleased with themselves. Suddenly the occupants are hit by a foul smell ALLISON: Oh, oh!! FARGO: Oh God, what is that smell? HENRY: Air flow from the... the... bowels of the bunker. Act 5 INT-BOWELS OF THE SMART HOUSE has started tapping a message. Suddenly Jo and Taggart start celebrating, slapping each other on the shoulder JO: We did it! TAGGART: Good on ya mate! Their smiles drop. Then Jo pulls Taggart in and kisses him, Taggart confused... They part, and look at each other. Taggart returns the favor and they roll onto their sides kissing and waving their legs INT-SMART HOUSE is standing up having regained oxygen BRAD: Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! CARTER: Little late, Brad. see an LCD screen pop up, and everyone sees Zoe casually walking to her home following a day at school BRAD: Eliminate Intruder! Eliminate Intruder! pulse gun comes out of the pillbox again. Carter, inside, notices Zoe on the screen just as the weapon is targeting her and prepping to shoot CARTER: NO!!! ZOE!!! runs over and grabs his signed baseball bat CARTER: Everybody move! ALLISON: What are you doing? starts hitting the R.T.G. with the bat HENRY: Jack, don't! You could kill yourself! doesn't care and keeps striking the R.T.G. Sparks rain out, until the lights go out - the power is down CARTER: ZOE!! ALLISON: Carter, are you alright? CARTER: Yeah, I'm alright. Is she okay? Do we- ALLISON: I don't know! EXT-SMART HOUSE is stood outside with her hands up, the pulse gun pointed at her ZOE: Sarah? What's going on? Is this some kind of... house arrest? The weapon is still INT-SMART HOUSE all stood around waiting for something to happen. Suddenly the lights flicker back on CARTER: What is that? FARGO: It's a diesel generator powering up - it must be the original back-up system. SARAH: Back-up systems engaged. drops the bat CARTER: Sarah, er what's happened to Zoe? Show me Zoe. see Zoe on the screen, still targeted. She has a confession to make... ZOE: Alright - I know I should have paid for it- lifts a candy bar up ZOE: -but I was in a hurry! Then finally the pulse gun returns to beneath the pillbox SARAH: Disengage hostile activity. sighs ALLISON: Oh my God! Okay, she's alright. CARTER: Argh, I feel sick. ALLISON: Is it the radiation? HENRY: I doubt it, he didn't even crack the housing. CARTER: So no Chernobyl? picks up the bat HENRY: Nope. You beat the hell out of the R.T.G. and your... erm... World Series Bat. CARTER: Well I can live with that, then. hear the door open ZOE: Dad? runs to the door FARGO: Zoe! ALLISON: Oh, oh, don't close the d- late, the door shuts behind her ZOE: What?? What's going on? rounds the corner and sees everyone in the room ZOE: Oh so you're allowed to have parties and I'm not? and Carter start laughing. Carter hugs Zoe in relief CARTER: I almost lost you! SARAH: Eureka is still facing imminent disaster. You all need to stay here and resolve your issues. bows their heads CARTER: Awh, Sarah!! What's going on? SARAH: I just want you to be happy Sheriff Carter! CARTER: Do ya? This isn't a malfunction is it? You're angry, you're upset about something. Well we've all aired our dirty laundry; it's time for you to come clean. SARAH: I have done all the laundry, and folded it as well. CARTER: That's not what I me.... stops mid-sentence, knowing she doesn't get it. He sits down CARTER: But thank you. (pause) Oh wait... You want me to be happy, because I was going to leave. Huh? Just like Fargo left you and er Brad got left before that, and whatever the hell it was before that. FARGO: It was a war game simulation program. SARAH: Shall we play a game? EVERYONE: No! No! BEVERLY: Sarah, is he right? CARTER: Sarah? Listen, everyone is afraid of being abandoned. I mean I'm afraid of what's going to happen to this town when Henry leaves. Well, maybe it'll be a disaster... I dunno. But I promise you... for right now, I am not going anywhere. ALLISON: Me either, Sarah. FARGO: Or me. STARK: I guess I'm sticking around. eyes on Henry. But he just bows his head and says nothing SARAH: What about Baja, Sheriff? CARTER: (laugh) Are you kidding? Do you know what the crime rate there is? Don't even get me started on soil erosion! INT-SMART HOUSE - NEXT DAY comes wandering down the stairs in her pajamas. There is a hole in the roof, and all the furniture is covered in white sheets. Carter is sitting eating cereal ZOE: What'sup? pushes Carter's feet off the table and sits down CARTER: We're having a skylight put in. goes to continue his breakfast when a latter crashes down from the skylight CARTER: And a ladder. ZOE: Cool. What about the pop-up artillery outside? CARTER: I don't know; what about the shop lifting? workman comes down the ladder ZOE: Like chocolate bars. Free chocolate bars. Really like being alive. as they look at each other ZOE: Thing of the past. Swear. SARAH: I was thinking, Sheriff, if you both would like to take another sick day, we could spend some quality time together? CARTER: (mouthful of cereal) Oh look at the time! ZOE: I gotta get ready for school! CARTER: Gotta go to work. heads upstairs, and Carter climbs the ladder SARAH: Perhaps we could play a board game? Or watch a movie? disappears out of the sky light SARAH: Hello? FADE OUT SARAH: Hello? THE END Category:Transcripts